Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Rut...

Flooded dug-out in front line trenchImage by National Library of Scotland via Flickr

This rut I find myself entrenched in... is absolutely brutal... I  try to collect my thoughts, but so far it has been to no avail. There have been thousands of what-ifs and moments of realization that ultimately lead to nothing... Have I been here for a day, month, years even?? Depends on when and where.. As the rut feeling is neither fleeting nor long holding.. Its staying power is both impressive.. and brief.. Its impact is both temporary and long lasting.. Its power can be extremely useful and totally destructive if allowed.. So analyze your next spell.. See how you handle it.. How you recover.. And if the rut can tell you what you need to hear...

Its like fighting a war with the world.. and yourself... I know I'm not the only person on the planet that feels this way from time to time... A true manic swing.. the yin and the yang.. The opposing forces of the mind.. Awesome isn't it? I wrote this awhile back.. Figured I'd conjure it back up.. See if the temporary lapse of gloom and doom had any real relevance.. And of course.. Even out of the most pessimistic views.. Comes optimism.. Everyone has both..  The layers of a person reveal themselves with time.. With that being said..

The test of time is shitty. Everything falls back into the same old pessimistic point of view I started with. As with everything in this world, upon close inspection I too am flawed, simply put we are all damaged goods. I can’t really think of a huge upside to this. Nothing more than the simple thought that we are all in this state together, on one level or another.

Some of us just accept life as it is. Others do not. I’m obviously with the last category. There are a ton of reasons to use for my current situation. None will justify my cause. I refuse to become one of those people who blame my current state on external factors. I am who I am simply because I’ve chosen to do what I have done. It’s that simple and true.

Now how does one right the proverbial ship? That’s a good question. There is no good answer though. Some will say to listen to your heart. Some will say just wait, time will tell. Others will say pray for the answer. In short, you will hear a lot of “answers” but nothing that will help you immediately. Just like any advice, it must be taken with a grain of salt.

I’m a firm believer in the fact that you know yourself better than anyone. I say this simply because people have a tendency to become chameleons around certain people, situations, environments, etc. So the only person who truly knows the way you operate is yourself. So what makes you happy? What are your motivators? How do you achieve the balance you’re looking for? Your guess is as good as mine…

There is no reset button on this life. No do-overs. What I mean by this is that you can change yourself, your location, and those that surround you, but you’re still you. You can make changes, but the rudimentary essence of you will as always be there.

So it’s never as simple as you hope. If the right piece falls into place in your puzzle you’ve been dealt a great favor. For some it happens and others it won’t. Until then you have to keep your head afloat, keep treading water, and keep fighting the tide until you find your way.

I know many people won’t agree with that statement. That’s their right. I’m actually tired of trying. If you do what you’ve always been told to do, it still won’t be enough. It all plays out on chance. All a person can really do is be prepared for when the time is right. When opportunity comes knocking, be prepared to jump. Or maybe life will just push you there. Who knows? This shit rarely makes sense. People are a fickle breed who tend to be trendy, greedy, and believe it or not self-centered. Are we really any different?

So you can play along, suck up and accept your current role. Wait for that “big break”. I prefer a different approach. Keep going at it. One thing is certain; I’ll either make it or go insane along the way. The great thing about going insane though is that you never know you have gone mad.

As always... Knock Hard... Life is Deaf...
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